Sometimes I really feel they should have never given you n!%*@s Twitter. Every other day, someone is calling a chick a hoe (or for you faux-French, “heaux”) for the dumbest reasons:

– #urahoe if you eat grits

– #urahoe if you take your shoes off at the club

– #urahoe if you have a waterbed

– #urahoe if you still have a signature after your texts

– #urahoe if your dress blows in the wind …

… and the ridiculosity goes on and on and on…

But dudes are perfect, right? I’m not into the whole male bashing thing, but it needs to be pointed out that women aren’t the only ones who have issues on Twitter (or life outside of Twitter’s 140 character limit).

I’ve come across a lot of male insecurity on my timeline in the past few months, and while these men have public profiles, I wouldn’t embarrass them like they’ve embarrassed the women in their lives. No names mentioned to protect the “fowl.”

I present to you the Male Bird.

Urban Dictionary defines a bird as “generally a girl or a young woman who comes across as vain, ditzy, stupid or useless.” So, a male bird is exactly that, but usually taller with facial hair and an inflated sense of self-worth. Let me give you an example.

A few months ago this guy on my timeline was tweeting about how this chick was sooo thirsty for him. She kept texting his phone, and he wouldn’t respond for hours later. She would get upset and text multiple times. He pretty much shitted on her. Took screenshots and everything. Named her “Thirst” as a contact. But the funny thing is that he read all of Thirst’s text messages, yet he had 132 unread messages from everyone else.

Interesting. She’s the thirsty one, yet you’ve checked every single one of her messages and ignored all the others.

Of course there’s an influx of mentions from his other bird friends with the cosign about the unsuspecting girl who simply didn’t like being ignored.

There’s really nothing like an insecure Male Bird. The one who attempts to build themselves up by making others feel bad about themselves but in a public forum. It’s lame. It’s trite. It’s corny.

How do you keep from being a male bird? (Or a bird, period.) Actor Boris Kodjoe tweeted some good points on #How2BaMan that birds of the male persuasion could definitely use.

1. Stop following anyone who is disrespectful on a regular basis. How many ways can you call a girl a hoe or complain about dark-skinned girls or whatever? Follow actual people who actually respond to you, someone who has genuinely funny tweets. I highly doubt that @OfficiallyIce (whoever he is) will actually respond to your mass amount of mentions. He will never tweet or retweet you. He doesn’t like you. Get over it.

2. Read a book. Stop getting your news from mediatakeout.com or Necole Bitchie. It shouldn’t be your only source for what’s going on in the world. Birds love mindless dribble. When you read it gives you more to talk about and it’ll seem like you actually care about wide array of things.

3. “Get a passport and travel.” If you confine yourself to a borough or two (or your hometown) you will never see what the rest of the world has to offer. Traveling will really make you see the world in a different light. You’ll be exposed to different people an culture. Birds don’t know nothing about that. (#How2BaMan)
4. “Have an ambition. You don’t need to be rich but you need to show direction and motivation.” Everybody’s goal is to get money, but how are you going to get it? Only birds say that they grind and hustle but can never tell you how they do. Ambition and drive is sexy, and the results from your determination are even sexier. (#How2BaMan)
5. “Embrace your imperfections.” We know you’re not perfect nor do we want you to be. The more you point out someone else’s imperfections, the more insecure you seem. (#How2BaMan)

Heed this post. If you were offended by this post then, chances are, you’re a male bird and you’ll continue to squawk. And if you’re offended then maybe you should try and incorporate some new things into your life.