Relationships of any kind can be hard. Friendships and work relationships all need to be worked on, but it seems like intimate relationships between a man and woman are the hardest.

Being in a relationship is like having another full-time job. No one likes to think of it like that, but that’s how it is. You have to work hard for it to be successful. When it’s great the rewards can pay off big time, but when it’s not, you’re plotting ways to get out.

Naturally since relationships can be rough, there are thousands of books on decoding them and how to make them better. The latest popular book that was burning up the New York Times bestseller list was Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. I admit, I was one who bought the book and I thought it was good at the time.

He makes key points on what every man needs:

1. Support
2. Loyalty
3. The cookie, i.e. sex

Well, of course, in a relationship a woman should be loyal and supportive, and sex is a must. I thought, “Steve Harvey is so right. In order for a man to focus on me, he has to focus on himself first. We need to let a man be a man,. So if he’s having a bad day, it’s because Steve Harvey said that’s the reason. It will get better later on.”

F*** that. If I could shake myself for thinking that, I definitely would. I am not the one to push my feelings aside or downplay them for anybody. I have bad days too. Does that mean I’m not going to call my boyfriend because I’m upset when someone else does something wrong to me? Am I not going to see him because I feel a little tired or busy that day? No. That’s not how relationships work. We don’t pick and choose when we want to be in them when we’re in one.

When I thought  about what Steve Harvey wrote just proved to me that men are selfish and don’t think of anyone but themselves. I should have known not to trust a bald man when a mustache and veneers.

What about what we want?

If you have to read a book on love and relationships, my recommendation would be The Conversation by Hill Harper. I know you might be thinking, what does the dude from CSI: NY to give me advice on love?

The great thing about Harper’s book is that it prompts a dialogue between men and women so we both know what the other wants and needs.

The major thing I took away from his book is that if I have a problem with the person in my relationship, I should be telling him — not my girls. We always run to our friends for advice, which can be helpful, but we really need to talk to the one we’re having the issue with. (This goes for all types of relationships.)

Talk it out, learn, and grow. We need to learn how to work together and love each other.