The Internet was in a tizzy on Tuesday. InTouch reported that our Will and Jada Pinkett Smith were separated. Even though the story has since been reported false, it was still sad to hear.

What was even sadder were people’s reactions to it. I can admit it, even I was a bit choked up when I heard the “news.” They’ve been together for so long. We made them a “power couple.” They seemed like the “perfect” couple. Whatever that is.

Once people heard they separated, many women denounced love. How could it be that these two people, of all people, with their perfect smiles, blockbuster movies, and two children who are already superstars in their own right, break up? They’ve graced 47 covers of Essence (not really) under the coverlines pertaining to love, marriage, and success. This just can’t be. So that means that we, simpletons, in our simple relationships are doomed, right?

In the words of Cliff Huxtable from The Cosby Show pilot, “That is the dumbest thing I ever heard!”

How did we allow someone else’s happiness determine our own? We don’t even know these people, for goodness sake! Is it that easy to give up on love?

I see this day in and day out with women. I’m sorry, I mean black women. We wake every morning and fix our thumbs to type a “Rise & Grind!” tweet or give mini lectures on the importance of “getting our minds right” but when it comes to relationships, we’re pretty much mum.

Well, not exactly. We will talk to anyone who will listen about a love lost or a love gone wrong. If love failed you, what was your part in making it fail? I know you’re not asking Will and Jada for advice. You don’t have any bearing on their relationship, so don’t make their failure yours. Worry about the details of your own relationships.

And if you’re not in a relationship, then I don’t know what to tell you.

Here’s one thing about me is that I’ll never give up on love. I’ve been in love, lost it, cried, got over it, and moved on in life. But you best believe, at 25, I’m not thinking it’s the end of the road. That’s crazy! If you’re unemployed and been without a job for a while, are you just going to stop looking for a job? If you really want one, no. Everything takes commitment and work. Love is no different.

Now, if you were one of the lucky ones to have Will and Jada on the marriage pedastool, ask yourself why you really put them there. Why not have people you know be your relationship role model? If you’re one of those people who are afraid of successful relationships because your parents were unsuccessful, let them be your model of what NOT to do.

Every relationship has its ups and downs. It’s inevitable. Don’t use someone else’s failures as a reason for things in your life that fail. Just learn from the lessons, move on and grow. Put into it what you want to get out of it.  And always love. Always.

When was the last time you went out with your friends just to enjoy the night? You took your time to put on your make up, do your hair, and slid on the baddest pair of heels you own, just  because you can. Has it been a while? Why?

There has been plenty of times when ladies I know have been in a rut, a single rut for that matter. Then when a suggestion is made to just “change something up” or “put on something special” their replies are “Who am I getting dressed up for?”

YOURSELF!

It’s time to pull your confidence out the little box you stored in the back of you closet, next to your little black dress and pictures of you and ex-boyfriend. There’s no need for a boyfriend in to make you feel good. In fact, no one is going to appreciate you more than you appreciate yourself.  Drake said it best, “you don’t do it for the man, men never notice, you just do it for yourself you’re the f*cking coldest.”

So ladies, let’s pull it together and do it for yourself.

From Clutch Magazine  – Sadly, it seems the media rhetoric alleging a ‘Single Black Woman’ crisis is getting under our skin. Black love is under attack. And the most damaging part about it all is, many of us are the very ones striking fierce blows at what we once dreamt about as little girls. No one ever said it would be easy, attaining the “Cosby Show” with “Good Times” hustle. The very crisis we feel unfolding before us is half hype, half unquantitative numbers. Ask any Black woman, age 50 and over, and they will tell you that what some of are whining about, ain’t nothing new.

But when did we really stop believing in Black men?

Why does our desires to try and a little “Something New” means we have to turn our backs on all that we once knew? Even through their very specific types of bullshit, Black men are apart of us, whether we like it or not.

A damaging piece was written by a writer for Bossip’s new sister site. “8 Reasons to Date a White Man” was posted Monday, and since then, the article has sparked debate, counter-pieces and loads of comments. But we decided, instead of producing our own response, to pass the mic to our brotha, Shane80.

Here at CLUTCH, we’re never giving up on Black men.

1. Gay White men tend to be more forthcoming about their sexuality with family and friends. The down low phenomenon is less prevalent, which preserves the battery usage on your gaydar and relieves the stress of dissecting every male relationship.

Shane: Let’s stop branding Black men as the sole proprietors of down low behavior. This country as whole has problem with integrity and truth telling. Have we forgotten about Ted Haggard, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Lance Bass, and Roy Ashburn? I guess these men are above reproach. I guess it’s not new millennium enough to ask the pertinent questions about the people we date. It is homophobic and shortsighted of the author to only say that down low behavior is limited to gay relationships when heterosexual men and women engage in devious and hurtful secrecy in relationships. We can cite Bill Clinton, Mark Spector here.

For the remaining eight reasons, visit Clutch Magazine …

I read a post on Demetria Luca’s blog, A Belle in Brooklyn , yesterday where one of her friends got turned down from a party by the doorman because she looked “regular black.”

Regular black? Yes, regular black. This means that she was “regular” because she had no weave, no flashy clothes, none of that extra I guess. You know, regular. So, for that, she had to hightail it home.

The bouncer was a black man, of course (meaning he probably has a regular black mama). He was the “Chosen One” to select which non-regulars, or exotic beauties, to gain entry into the club.

What else does exotic mean (besides the weave and such)? It means the girl might be light-skinned, have light eyes, possibly Amber Rose or Kim Kardashian looking. It’s not enough that it takes so much for a woman to get ready for a night out on the town. Whether we have a fresh weave or a fresh roller wrap, it takes time. We want to find the perfect outfit just for that evening for us to feel good in. We buy new makeup, maybe get our brows and nails done. A lot of time and effort goes into being a woman.

So when a male, specifically a black male, claims he needs something more exotic or flashy is he just shunning the black woman alltogether?

I’m not entirely sure, but all we see in magazines and TV are the exotic chicks, it’s no wonder why black men want them. It seems like it’s the only thing that is presented. It’s nothing really new. It’s crazy to see the men who want the girl who looks different because chances are, they themselves are regular. How bout this, if you want a girl who is exotic, you better look like an extra from Takers.

One of my best friends and I talk about this pretty frequently. If black men are willing to push us aside for the girl who doesn’t look American, or maybe half American), why do we continue to be so loyal to them?

Why do we allow others to tell us what is beautful or worthy anyway? If you know you’re beautiful and a person says that you’re not, you’re still going to be beautiful. And if that one person thinks you’re not good enough for them, trust, there’s someone out there who does.

We all heard about Fantasia and her recent issues of being a mistress and overdosing on aspirin. My heart aches for her story since she’s been through so much. Everyone was happy when she finally received her high school diploma, and then it was bad news after bad news.

I honestly didn’t want to comment on her situation since it’s too tragic. I couldn’t fathom wanting to commit suicide if I had a child.

But then when I try not to comment, said celebrity always snaps me back to reality. In an interview with Vibe, she explains that she was treated unfairly by the media during her scandal because she was dark-skinned.

“I was on Nancy Grace, CNN, every gospel station, and in every magazine and every newspaper,” she said of the scandal. “It was on. You would have thought I was the President or something.

“I’ve battled and have had to deal with that before. Lord forgive me and I don’t want to offend anybody,” she continued, “but when [I did Idol] it seemed like everybody there was Barbied out. Slim, long hair, light eyes, light-skinned. And here I come with my dark skin, full nose, short hair and full lips —it was hard.”

Come on, Taisa! She won Idol, what, five years ago? The comment might have been relevant then, but now not so much. Apparently, Alicia Keys has been given preferential treatment as Homewrecker of the Year because she’s light-skinned. Seriously? Keys definitely had backlash for her alleged affair with Swizz Beatz before she tied the knot with him. The difference between Fantasia and Keys is that Keys stayed quiet and her situation wasn’t as extreme.

Let’s run down the events:

1. August 7 – Reported that Fantasia had a sex tape come out with her married boyfriend Antwuan Cook. Cook’s wife, Paula Cook filed papers with a North Carolina court about the infidelity. According to TMZ, her reps released a statement saying, “Fantasia will weather this storm with the dignity and grace that she has exemplified throughout a life in which she has repeatedly overcome obstacles and challenges. Fantasia’s faith in God, herself and family remain as strong as ever.”

2. August 10 – It was reported that she attempted suicide by overdosing on aspirin and sleeping pills.

3. August 20 – She did a surprise performance at a birthday celebration for Charlotte Bobcats player Tyrus Thomas.“I been in the house for a week so you know I’m bout to act ugly… When they said it was over for me, I’m here to say I’m back!”

4. August 23 – Fantasia admitted the suicide attempt was intentional in her episode of Behind the Music. “I didn’t have any fight in me. I didn’t care about anything. I  just wanted out. At that moment, I wanted out, “she said. “I wanted it to be over with – all of it, all of that [expletive]. I just sat in the closet and looked at the mirror and took all the pills in the bottle. I wanted to go to sleep and just be at peace. I knew exactly what I was doing. You can’t accidentally take a whole bottle of pills.”

It’s only August 28, so the month isn’t over yet, and all of that happened in less than 30 days. Complexion is not the issue at all. Crazy knows no color. Fantasia gave us so much to talk about. Her antics were comparable to Britney Spears back in ’07. When someone acts crazily, we’re going to talk about how crazy and foolish they are.

If Fantasia wants to play big girl games, she has to accept the big girl consequences and understand our reaction to it. Scandal sells.