Everybody wants to be the next Oprah. I do. You do. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be her? She’s the richest woman in the world; the queen of all media. When Oprah talks, people listen.

Now that Mo’Nique has her own talk show, The Mo’Nique Show, she believes that she can just compare herself to the Big O.

I’m not a big fan of Mo’Nique.  I don’t think she’s that funny (and I’ve seen her twice). And to see that she has her own talk show five nights a week is aggravating. But when I read that she said she wanted to be like her on Black Voices , I was having one of those moments where I wanted to take my invisible hook out and drag her off the stage Night at the Apollo style.

“When I saw Ms. Oprah Winfrey on People Are Talking [Winfrey's daily talk show in Baltimore from 1978 to 1983] and we took a school trip there when I was in broadcasting school, I said, ‘She looks like me: she’s fat, she’s black, she’s got big feet. She’s doing it? Okay, I believe I want to do that too!’”

Sigh.

I get she was trying to be funny, but let’s be serious. That’s like me saying that because I see the Kool-Aid Man in a commercial quenching people’s thirst around the world and red is my favorite color, I want to be the Kool-Aid Man. It’s extreme and dumb, but so is Mo’Nique saying she wanted to be Oprah because she’s fat and black. There are a few reasons why I believe that she will never be the next O, and here’s why:

1. She’s too damn loud. Mo has her own talk show on BET,  and all she does is scream. I couldn’t sit through a whole episode because she is so loud. (See picture above.) If I am watching a commercial for the show, and I have to turn my the volume down — that’s a problem. And being in the biz for so long, she should understand that when you’re wearing a microphone pack, it increases your volume. Oprah gets loud from time to time when she has Will Smith on her show or for her My Favorite Things episode, but she always brings it back.
2. She’s not gracious.As I’m sure most of you know, Mo’Nique has been getting a lot of Oscar buzz from her role in the upcoming movie Precious (an Oprah produced film, at that). According to Showbiz411.com , until just a few days ago, the actress hasn’t been doing any press for the role because her demand for $100,000 for an appearance fee wasn’t getting met. (That fee didn’t even include first class air fare for her glam squad or hair costs.) Mo’Nique said, ”When people say, ‘You care more about money than winning an Oscar,’ well what does an Oscar mean? An Oscar means more work when you win it, and that means more money! I couldn’t eat that Oscar. Everybody needs money, baby. That’s how we survive, right?’”I’m not sure if she knows how Hollywood works, but black Hollywood is a lot different from their Hollywood. It’s not smart to ruffle any feathers. If you have to take a pay cut now when the reward later might be greater, just do it. I’m sure when Oprah was nominated for best supporting actress in The Color Purpleback in the day she did what she had to do. But if Mo’Nique is fine with Soul Plane at the top of her resume…
3. She’s narrow-minded. I swear, her talk show should be called Mo’Nique and Friendsbecause that’s all we see. Her guests are people we see her with all of the time. Steve Harvey, Sheryl Underwood, Sommore… I mean, come on, let’s broaden those topics. Tell me something new, something fresh. Get me to care. Even Tyra takes a pause to stop talking about herself once in a while. Oprah talks about everything under the sun from domestic abuse to literature to health. I’m sure once Mo’Nique gets new topics other than how it was for her on the Queens of Comedy Tour back in 2001, her audience will grow.
4. She doesn’t seem to give back. I’m not saying that she doesn’t give back, but let’s just say I put Mo’Nique and charity in Google, and I came up with no results. That’s all the evidence I need. We all know that Oprah has her Angel Network where she donates money for education, rebuilding and creating communities, and basic rights. When you do something good, you feel good, and you let everybody know. Not in a condescending way but in an inspiring way. If Mo’Nique gives back, she needs to shout it from the rooftop. I mean, she shouts everything else.

 I honestly and truly wish Mo’Nique luck because I don’t want to dislike her, but she gives me so many reasons to do so. But she needs to know, no matter how much she tries, she will never, ever be the next Oprah Winfrey.